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Barack Obama hates Charlie Brown, America, your mom, says Russell Wiseman,...
GateHouse — IMPORTANT CARTOON-AND-BLACK PRESIDENT ALERT: In addition to being a Muslim Kenyan chain-smoking Bolshevik Hitler-loving child-indoctrinating reality-TV-contestant-inviting Will.I.Am fan,...
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Count Chocula = Impossible to Buy in South Carolina. HALLOWEEN IS CANCELED.
GateHouse — I have discovered two equally displeasing things about Halloween this year. 1. The neighbor down the road, the one on the corner at Sundew Court, which is like the least-evil name ever (she...
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My Secret Santa is an unforgivable failure
GateHouse — So I’m in a Secret Santa thing here in the office, and like so many things about Christmas, it’s making me reach for the wine bottle well before my usual 10 a.m. start time, because I have...
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Disney’s Blizzard Beach Presents: The Unspeakable Horrors Of The Aging Male...
GateHouse — Having spent New Year’s Day at the Blizzard Beach water park in Disney World — the Happiest Place on Earth, particularly if your happiness revolves around disbursing $27.95 for chicken...
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No one is safe from the Sexy Halloween Costume movement. Not even you, Canada.
McClatchy/Tribune – I am not a very good-looking woman, which I think is the primary reason I’m having trouble coming up with a decent Halloween costume this year. (It’s also the main reason I kept...
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Do you have any cards that play the Mexican Hat Dance? You do? VALENTINE’S IS...
GateHouse — If there is any place on Earth more bruisingly depressing than the Valentine’s Day card rack at Target on Feb. 12, I’ve yet to hear about it. OK, that’s not entirely true, I can think of...
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Halloween 2009: Evil geniuses, dish soap and barely recognizable chunks of...
GateHouse — As is generally the case with most critical holidays, the important negotiations regarding my Halloween took place in a Target — specifically, in the throughway between the G.I. Joe toy...
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A fat Santa is an awesome Santa
GateHouse – There are a lot of things wrong with Santa Claus — the tobacco addiction, the repeated breaking and entering, the vanishing for 364 consecutive days without explanation — but to that long...
View Article“Star Trek” caskets: The voyage home
GateHouse — If you are running out of gift ideas and time this Christmas season — and, let’s be honest, you are, I can see the cold desperation in your eyes — boy, do I have good news for you. But I...
View Article38 Years Later, We Revisit ‘Wonderful Christmastime’ and Yeah Never Mind It’s...
. The Loop / Golf Digest — “Wonderful Christmastime” is the worst of Christmas songs, but it makes up for it by also being the worst of all songs, the worst song ever written by a human, Beatle or...
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